Oasis Stop the Clocks

Yesterday morning I was inundated with a number of texts from friends and fathers asking about the truth behind reports of an Oasis split. ‘No chance’ I thought, ‘They split up at least once a year don’t they?’ ‘Just a falling out, can’t be serious’. But sure enough, after reading a story on the BBC website, and seeing a subsequent report on the news it is official, Noel Gallagher has quit Oasis.

If you asked me now what my feelings were upon finding out, I’m not sure I could tell you. With Oasis being my all time favourite band, Be Here Now being the first CD I ever bought, you would think it would have been crushing. I would have been distraught, shed a tear maybe? Oh no. I instead just sat there, trying in my head to work out a way that this could simply not be true. How could they split up? It’s Oasis. Yeah they weren’t exactly without controversy, the infamous Gallagher brothers being in and out of the limelight virtually from the beginning, bickering and rowing just like any brothers. It seems now to have gone that one argument too far though. Noel himself saying that he ‘couldn’t go on working with Liam a day longer.’

At this point, in all the news stories and articles at least, there lies a running history of the band, all the number ones, the albums, the awards, the bust-ups, everything. Re-told to you as a sort of eulogy towards the band. I’m not going to do that. Oasis are (were?) a big enough band that the story does not need retelling. We don’t need to hear everything we already know again. Instead I can only speak from my personal experience of the band, and that is as follows:

I’m not ashamed to say that Oasis are the best band I have ever had the pleasure of listening to. Not even one of. The. It’s safe for me to say that the reason I got into music at all, picked up the guitar, bought CDs, ended up doing a degree in Music Journalism, is pretty much down to Oasis, well, and my dad, for getting me into them in the first place. People talk of them having an up and down career, that the quality dwindled after ‘(What’s the Story)’. I don’t believe that. As Liam himself said on documentary ‘Lord Don’t Slow Me Down’, ‘I don’t think we got worse, I think people just got bored of us.’ If this is true, I was most definitely not one of these people.

I only ever got the pleasure of seeing the band once, last year in Liverpool, on my birthday no less. It was once of the best shows I’ve been to, and I only wish that I could have seen them more than once. Hope still remains though, in the potential for Noel to do a solo album/tour, and for a reunion, maybe not for a few years, but hope shall prevail no less.

So for now, farewell, to the best band to ever grace my CD player. You made me feel that tonight, and every night, I’m a rock n’ roll star. See you soon.

Bah Humbug!

Following Alex Turner’s ambitious side-project, the Last Shadow Puppets, with friend Miles Kane, there were rumours that Arctic Monkeys were to be no more. After an extended spell on the sidelines, it could have appeared that way, that was, until that difficult third album, Humbug, was released on Monday. Many wondered if the Sheffield four-piece could reignite the fires that drove the Arctic’s engine through their first two albums and drive them to success again. The answer (dramatic pause) is yes.

Right from the pounding opening riff of ‘My Propeller’, Humbug shows that the Monkeys are back and they mean business. With a sound that has developed further following ‘Favourite Worst Nightmare’, Turner and company sound darker, louder, bigger and angrier. Classically showcased by lead single ‘Crying Lightning’, as well as ‘My Propeller’ and ‘Potion Approaching’.

The lyrical prowess of Turner has not waned in the slightest either. With each song filled with line after line of excellence. The growth of Turner himself, as well as the band, is shown here. No more are we dealing with girls who look good on the dance floor, or mardy bums, but instead fools on parade (‘Secret Door’) and lookalikes in The Battleship (‘Cornerstone’). Okay, you can say that it has shifted from the everyday observations of queuing for taxis and prostitutes on street corners, but where ‘Whatever People Say…’ won over audiences across the country, ‘Humbug’ not only challenges them, but aims to spread the net wider than the ‘indie boy going out getting lashed’ audience, and it does so with aplomb.

What is considerably noticeable throughout Humbug is how the influence Turner’s work with the Last Shadow Puppets has affected his singing. It seems perhaps since the Monkeys’ cover of ‘Diamonds are Forever’ at Glastonbury 2007, our Alex seems to think of himself as a bit of a crooner. As shown throughout the Shadow Puppets’ ‘Age of the Understatement’. 

This continues through the devilishly dark rumblings of ‘Crying Lighting’, ‘My Propeller’, and ‘Fire and the Thud’, Turner’s voice remains light and graceful. Soaring above the murky rhythms below. Along with the much lighter ‘Cornerstone’ and ‘Secret Door’. However, to say the front man has gone soft is far from reality. Turner does show his aggression can match the anger of the music, particularly throughout ‘Dangerous Animal’ and the brilliant ‘Pretty Visitors’ (‘What came first, the chicken or the dickhead?’ may well be one of my favourite lyrics ever).

Love them or hate them, you can’t knock Arctic Monkeys for ingenuity. A constant progression and development in both lyricism and music has the perilous potential to alienate many fans, but also win over countless new ones. Humbug must surely cry for the latter. A fantastic album from start to finish, with a new sound that possibly trumps both previous releases by the band. With a headline slot at Reading and Leeds this weekend, be warned, Arctic Monkeys are back, with a bang.

Football Bloody Football

Yes, it has reached that time of year again, when the football league begins (what, already?? I hear the women cry!) and thousands upon thousands of men up and down the country, cheer, cry, drink in celebration, pull their hair out, and every other over-the-top response that can be had over what is in essence, just a game. (*gasp* oh no he didn't!)

Well, I say the football league begins, in all honesty it never really ended. The gossip and activity of the transfer becoming more and more newsworthy, perhaps more so than the league itself. Primarily this year due to the activity over in Middle-Eastlands with the Manchester Arab Emirates taking it upon themselves to throw ridiculous amounts of money at any club with a slightly half decent player as they try and win everything in the world. Something which I'm sure the rest of the footballing community will take much pleasure in seeing them fail. All the while everyone else is struggling to catch up by spending slightly less ridiculous, but still extravagant, sums of money on distinctly average players, I mean honestly, how much for Darren Bent?? 

Everyone, that is, apart from Everton, who as usual are refusing to buy anybody despite having the smallest squad in human history. Moyes himself even saying that he is happy with '13 or 14' of his players, but needs to add 6 or 7 new faces. Has he yet? Has he fuck. Maybe he's been too busy telling Dubai City that they can't have Lescott, no matter how much money they say they'll throw at us (Credit crunch? What credit crunch?). Fair enough I thought. Good on you I thought. Stick to your guns I thought. That was, until Saturday.

Basically, what the fuck?

First game of the season, at home to Arsenal. A team who gave in to the moneybags of City and sold two of their best players, with no real sign of replacements. A fairly alright game then? Easy draw? Maybe a win? Seeing as we were unlucky not to beat them in the corresponding game last season. Oh how wrong I was.

Half time: Everton 0 - Arsenal 3. Oh joy.

Final score: Everton 1 - Arsenal 6. Wait.....what??

In what can only be described as the most abysmal result to a curtain raiser that I can remember, we get well and truly trounced. Absolutely terrible performance. Awful defending by Sunday League standards. What went wrong? It's been put forward that the whole saga with Lescott wanting to leave has dampened spirits, damaged confidence, etc, etc. But no amount of excuses can make up for such a shit performance. If things don't improve very quickly we may end up becoming what Newcastle were last year. God help us.

The only way I think this situation can be resolved, unfortunately, would be to cash in on Joe. He clearly wants to leave, as shown from the worst performance he's had in an Everton shirt. And if we don't get rid of him I fear we will only be given more of the same. So perhaps we'd be better off without him. I mean, look what happened with Wayne. Cashed in on him then finished 4th. Incidentally after being trounced by Arsenal at home in the opening game of the season. At least if we do decide to give in to the rich kids we'll have some money for Moyes to not spend as he tries to bring in more high quality players. A task which is now much more difficult, following the nightmare performance his team gave on Saturday.

Don't get me wrong, I think Moyes is a fantastic manager. What he has achieved with worse than limited resources is fantastic. Could anybody else do what he has done with as little? Probably not. We just need to sort out the mess, and quickly. Sell Lescott, so that he will be a happy bunny getting paid £90 thousand a week to play once a month, and we can move on, bring in some talent and try and get this season back on track. Please.

The only problem we are left with is what will happen in the future. If what is happening at City is only the beginning, what will happen to those teams who, like Everton, have no money. If transfers are going to continuously rise to extortionate levels, how can those who have no funds compete? What's more, if teams like City continue to throw money at anyone who has a good season, all those poor teams who try to build and develop a squad of top quality players on the cheap will be fucked. One can only wonder what would have happened had Jagielka, arguably our best player last year, not got injured? Or Arteta, or Yakubu? It seems if we want to realistically compete with the big boys, we need investment. Fast.

The future's bleak, the future's money.

Amy Wankhouse

A friend of mine once said to me that Amy Winehouse is ‘only good because she’s not black’. Before anybody gets the wrong idea, my friend is not racist, despite the aforementioned comment. Clearing up any controversy, what I believe she meant was that Amy Winehouse plays a style of music that is pretty much dominated by black artists. In a similar way to the ‘white man who played black music’, Mr Elvis Presley. However, Elvis was the King, Miss Winehouse most certainly is not the Queen.

I never fully understood the attraction to Amy Winehouse. I always felt that she was nothing more than a junkie of both the press and the smack, with less talent than I have in my left testicle. Harsh, I hear some of you utter, but perhaps true? Think about it. Still need me to back up my statement? Fine.

Point one: She can’t sing. No really, she can’t sing. All that seems to be coming from her vocal chords sounds like a warbling cat, with throat cancer, being swung from a ceiling fan. You seen the video on YouTube? That.

Point two: Content. If you can get past the god-awful singing, and actually decipher the lyrics, its drivel. Daddy said she should go to rehab (being the coked up whore she is, but more on that later) and what does she do, say no…no, no. Why? There’s teen rebellion, and then there’s just flat out ignorance. If she listened to Daddy then maybe she wouldn’t be so atrocious. ‘You Know That I’m No Good’? Yes, we do. So stop damaging my eardrums with that racket. And Valerie probably doesn’t want to come over because she heard you wailing from a mile off and fled in the other direction (Oops, I forgot that song was by Mark Ronson...). 

Point three: As I have previously stated, she is nothing but a coked up whore. Spending more time in the tabloids for whatever scandal she has supposedly been up to rather than trying to better her career, or even trying to better her reputation. The fact that she regularly fails to turn up to concerts, and when she does, gives very half-arsed performances, shows more than a little lack of respect for her label, her PR people, and most importantly, her fans (deluded though they are for liking her ‘music’ in the first place). Yes I know Lou Reed and the Beatles and Pink Floyd and even Oasis have dabbled in drugs during their career, but, with the possible exception of the latter, it spawned some of their best music. But with Miss Winehouse giving us nothing that can even be classed as good, she should listen to The Verve, because the drugs don’t work.

Point four: See points one, two and three. Need I go on?

The other day I heard a rumour that she died. Drug overdose. Part of me wished it were true. Before realising the talentless woman would become martyred and special editioned forever. We just cant win can we?

You be Madrid and I will be......Pele??

One might wonder why I, at only 19 years of age, was in Liverpool last Saturday to attend a reunion gig of a band that formed 20 years ago, and split 16 years ago, when I was at the tender age of 3. Maybe if it was one of those big name bands that sold millions of records, had several number ones (that’s British number ones!) and generally were well known enough to warrant a big reunion. This was not the case. The band I went to see, Pele. Ever heard of them? Didn’t think so. In all honesty neither had I, that was, until I was made aware of the fantastic Amsterdam, and learned that Pele was lead singer Ian Prowse’s former band.

Excitement was therefore brewing as me and my father, someone else who, up until Amsterdam, was only ‘vaguely aware’ of the band, turned up at the venue far too early to be let in. Not to worry though, as it led to a chance to meet Prowse again, (after previously interviewing him back in early 2007, and meeting after a fantastic Amsterdam set at Glastonbury in 2008) who was looking for a Chilean who was getting an interview (big in Chile back in the day too?). Once let in, we were one of only a handful of people who got there early enough to ‘soak up the atmosphere’ and to witness the first support act, The Verdict, and a very good band they were too. Very tight and punchy, with some quality rock tunes to boot. The next act, The Bo Weevils also proved to be a nice surprise. A quality four piece with some excellent guitar work, foot-stomping rhythms and what’s more, they were fucking loud. Both of which are well worth looking into further.

And so it came to the main event, Pele. With it being more than evident that I was probably one of the youngest people there, I didn’t really know what to expect. While Prowse’s Amsterdam have a brilliant live show, I had a feeling that the slightly lesser sound of Pele might result in a slightly lesser live show. How wrong I was! Right from opener ‘Don’t Worship Me’, to the fantastic ‘Oh Lord’, Pele rolled back the years and produced a top quality show, playing all the hit songs and more. With the likes of ‘Megalomania’ (number one in South Africa, don’t you know!) ‘Fair Blows the Wind for France’, ‘Name and Number’ and the ever outstanding ‘Raid the Palace’, fans both old and new (or should that be young?) enjoyed sing-a-long after sing-a-long. Even for me, who in all honesty had not heard much Pele other than re-done live versions by Amsterdam thoroughly enjoyed the likes of ‘A King’s Ransom’, ‘Fat Black Heart’, ‘In The Beginning and ‘Fireworks’, but the list goes on almost as long as the set list itself.

Despite not really knowing what to expect beforehand, seeing Prowse without his usual crew and with a menagerie of different songs, I did wonder if it would be like seeing Amsterdam with the volume turned down. Luckily I was swiftly proved wrong, Prowse and company producing a show well worth the reunion, and one can only hope another is on the cards sooner rather than later.