Amy Wankhouse

A friend of mine once said to me that Amy Winehouse is ‘only good because she’s not black’. Before anybody gets the wrong idea, my friend is not racist, despite the aforementioned comment. Clearing up any controversy, what I believe she meant was that Amy Winehouse plays a style of music that is pretty much dominated by black artists. In a similar way to the ‘white man who played black music’, Mr Elvis Presley. However, Elvis was the King, Miss Winehouse most certainly is not the Queen.

I never fully understood the attraction to Amy Winehouse. I always felt that she was nothing more than a junkie of both the press and the smack, with less talent than I have in my left testicle. Harsh, I hear some of you utter, but perhaps true? Think about it. Still need me to back up my statement? Fine.

Point one: She can’t sing. No really, she can’t sing. All that seems to be coming from her vocal chords sounds like a warbling cat, with throat cancer, being swung from a ceiling fan. You seen the video on YouTube? That.

Point two: Content. If you can get past the god-awful singing, and actually decipher the lyrics, its drivel. Daddy said she should go to rehab (being the coked up whore she is, but more on that later) and what does she do, say no…no, no. Why? There’s teen rebellion, and then there’s just flat out ignorance. If she listened to Daddy then maybe she wouldn’t be so atrocious. ‘You Know That I’m No Good’? Yes, we do. So stop damaging my eardrums with that racket. And Valerie probably doesn’t want to come over because she heard you wailing from a mile off and fled in the other direction (Oops, I forgot that song was by Mark Ronson...). 

Point three: As I have previously stated, she is nothing but a coked up whore. Spending more time in the tabloids for whatever scandal she has supposedly been up to rather than trying to better her career, or even trying to better her reputation. The fact that she regularly fails to turn up to concerts, and when she does, gives very half-arsed performances, shows more than a little lack of respect for her label, her PR people, and most importantly, her fans (deluded though they are for liking her ‘music’ in the first place). Yes I know Lou Reed and the Beatles and Pink Floyd and even Oasis have dabbled in drugs during their career, but, with the possible exception of the latter, it spawned some of their best music. But with Miss Winehouse giving us nothing that can even be classed as good, she should listen to The Verve, because the drugs don’t work.

Point four: See points one, two and three. Need I go on?

The other day I heard a rumour that she died. Drug overdose. Part of me wished it were true. Before realising the talentless woman would become martyred and special editioned forever. We just cant win can we?